Wednesday, October 05, 2005


It has been over a month since I wrote a normal post and nearly as long since there has been a post at all. Things have been kinda strange around here. We've had three different sets of evacuees and things are just now getting back to normal. I go to work, attend meetings, and reply to emails. I come home, eat dinner, and watch the new season of shows on the DVR. And yet, things don't feel normal. Instead, I feel guilty. It's the watching TV instead of doing my homework kind of guilty if that makes sense. The things I am doing, at home, at work, wherever, just don't seem to matter. Let me try to explain.

For a while now I've been trying to find the things that matter to me. Trying to get past the shoulds in my life to figure out the wants in my life is how I think of it sometimes. This summer, I came up with a short list: Melissa, children, family, New Orleans. Here's a brief explanation.

I love my wife and want to experience as much of life as possible with her. I want to have children and raise a family, a desire my wife can attest to and a desire that spending time with my goddaughters only makes stronger. I want to raise my family around my extended family. My children will spend time with their grandparents and have sleep-overs with their cousins and will go to family birthday parties seemingly every month. And I want all of this to occur in New Orleans. I love the city and want to be a part of improving it. I want my children to grow up rooting for the Saints and pronouncing things the right wrong way. I want to spend my summer weekends with my wife and family in Waveland.

What I figured out from this list was that I would likely be a very happy man if I moved back to New Orleans and raised a family. Timing seemed to be the only issue. I talked to Melissa and crunched a few numbers and came up with a plan. The basic idea was to coordinate all our money issues along with a Europe trip and possibly a road trip and wind up in New Orleans sometime in August and, well, start looking for jobs. I was content to keep on keepin' on in Austin until then.

I'm not so content anymore.

At first just keeping track of the family seemed like a full time job. Then I had the evacuees at the house to take care of. Not to mention combing the web for as much information as possible. Now, all of that has passed, and I want to be back in New Orleans now. It seems silly to be wasting the day behind my desk when restaurants can't open due to lack of employees. It seems crazy to watch the West Wing when there is rotting garbage on my parent's front lawn. It seems out of place to spend a weekend in Dallas when the Centanni's are searching their home for salvageable items.

For now I will go to work and watch TV and have a normal weekend. The plan does still have some merit. But sooner or later I will have to go back. You may think I'm crazy to do it, but I know I'll go crazy if I don't.